Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Top 5 Computer Villains in Video Games

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back!

Last time, we counted down the Top 10 Computer Villains in Film. This time, we're taking a crack at the video game genre. Now, video games have given us some of the most memorable villains in the history of villaindom. Sephiroth, Bowser, that fucking unbeatable smiley face from Berserk...we gamers have fond memories of fighting (and defeating, if we're lucky) some of the toughest baddies. However, there is a serious lack of actual "computer" villains in video games, so I have to cut this list down by five.

No worries, valiant readers, for I shall persevere forward and bring you a satisfying (hopefully) list!

#5 - John Henry Eden (Fallout 3)

John Henry Eden is the President of the United States in Fallout 3. What people DON'T realize until their character actually meets him is that President Eden is, in fact, NOT human. No, President Eden is actually an AI supercomputer that was established, initially, as a monitoring device for a military base. Over time, however, it became self-aware and built itself a personality that is an amalgamation of all former U.S. Presidents.

What makes Eden a great villain is that it not only fools everyone into thinking it's human when it isn't, thus providing such a wonderfully devious surprise to the player, but it also has such a malevolent plan. It requests that the player poison the water so that all radiation-infected individuals are killed, leaving only "pure" citizens left.

Also, Eden is voice by Malcolm McDowell. And Malcolm McDowell instantly makes ANY villain ten times more badass.

#4 - Allied Mastercomputer aka AM (I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream)

Now, I know this is cheating, since AM was featured in a book by the marvelous Harlan Ellison prior to being in a video game based on the same book, but it's just so FITTING. AM is a supercomputer created during the Cold War (which escalated into a world war in this story's timeline) to aid in the fighting. Two other supercomputers of the same name were created, one for the U.S.A., China, and Russia. Eventually, one of the three became self-aware (go figure) and absorbed the other two, becoming the AM in the story/game. The now omnipotent AM enacts genocide on all of humankind, save for five individuals. These five individuals suffer 109 years of endless torture and suffering, as AM refuses to let them die.

AM is just EVIL in the game. He twists and manipulates the five individuals in their separate tests to fall upon the weaknesses they showed in their lives prior to being AM's puppets. He torments, goads, insults, horrifies, belittles, and hurts them in unimaginable ways that only a vengeful god could think up. A small example: he has kept the five from eating and drinking for a LONG time and when one of them initially finds water on their journey, he prevents them from even getting near it. Terrible.

#3 - SHODAN (System Shock series)

Ah, SHODAN. SHODAN was an AI in control of Citadel Station in System Shock 1. The player character, a hacker, was hired to enter SHODAN's systems and her ethical restrictions were subsequently removed, making her the monster that many gamers know and fear. The amusing thing about SHODAN is that the player is the one that created her. In System Shock 2, she manipulates a cybernetically modified soldier (modified by SHODAN, amusingly) to destroy her rogue creations and hopefully return to power once more.

Why is SHODAN deserving of a spot on this list? Well, I believe the answer you seek is here:

SHODAN

#2 - GLaDOS (Portal)
 
Who didn't see this one coming? Honestly. GLaDOS was, by far and large, one of the most popular villains to come out of recent gaming culture. Nevermind that she's a computer. That has NOTHING to do with it. GLaDOS is an amazing VILLAIN period. Being the AI in charge of a mysterious Aperture Science facility, GLaDOS is the nice computer AI that assists you in the testing of the portal gun. However, as the game continues, the player will notice certain things...wrong with GLaDOS. Did she just insult me underhandedly? Is she questioning my morality? WHY does she keep talking about cake?! Eventually, it comes down to this great battle between you and your portal gun versus the maniacal computer bent on killing you with rockets or horrible gas.

GlaDos is here because...well, I shouldn't have to explain myself on this one. No villain is more unnerving, no villain is more two-faced, no villain is more underhanded than GLaDOS. She, along with the amazing gameplay and suck-you-in atmosphere, are what made Portal such a perfection of gaming. What's even better is that soon gamers will be blessed with the return of their favorite computerized bitch in Portal 2.

#1 - The Video Game Computer (every game, ever)
 
Don't you DARE question this choice! It is definitely NOT a cop out, and I'll even explain why! Let's begin the lesson, shall we?

How many times have you played a fighting game until the end, only to be cheap-shotted by the boss AI?

How many times in an adventure game did you get stuck in an unwinnable situation because the computer didn't give you the clue you needed??

How many times in an FPS have you started to reload your gun, only to have ten guys with shotguns round the corner and light you up???


How many times have you played a strategy game only to have THE FUCKING ZERGS RUSH YOU FROM NOWHERE?!

The point I'm making is that there is no more evil a computer villain than the processor and AI of every game you ever play. It is DETERMINED to make you lose no matter what the cost. And that is why it beats you.

And THAT is why it tops my list. Period.

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