Wordslinging Critic: Toonami Cancellation

I hadn't realized it until just this moment, but September 20, 2008 was the point in history when Cartoon Network took a downturn into the almost unceasingly mind-numbing dreck programming that they play now.

Why is that, you may ask? Well, my dear friends, that date marked the end of the 11-year-long run of one of the greatest blocks of young adolescent programming on television. I am, of course, talking about Toonami.

Toonami

Now, before I get into it, I have to mention that YES, I do know this criticism is coming almost two years late. YES, I know Adult Swim still exists. But a) I needed to collect my thoughts and b) that's going downhill as well.

"Now what IS Toonami?" you uninitiated heathens may be asking yourselves. Well Toonami was an action-animation block of programming of Cartoon Network's creation. The block made its premiere on March 17, 1997, putting together a lineup of action shows that dominated the airtime. I'll get to what shows later on...

The face of Toonami changed quite a bit from year to year. The whole "gimmick" behind it was that it was supposed to make kids think that it was being broadcast secretly from Ghost Planet Industries (where Space Ghost Coast to Coast was made) by Space Ghost's villain-turned-producer Moltar.

Moltar, Toonami's first host

As time went on, the host changed to TOM (a nifty robot dude with a badass voice), and the environment changed to the wicked CG spaceship, the Absolution. Other changes occurred, mainly to TOM's appearance, alternate locations, so on, but the overall feel of Toonami was the same. It made kids feel like they were part of the action, right there with TOM and his computer counterpart SARA.

TOM, Toonami's second host

TOM's second incarnation

TOM's third incarnation

I have the fortune to say that I actually got to watch Toonami from the beginning and stick with it through the majority of its run. The lineup changed yearly, adding and subtracting shows (as most blocks of programming do to stay fresh) but it never disappointed with the overall quality it offered (until the last few years...).

Here's the yearly lineup for this wondrous gem:

1997
* Super Adventures/Roulette (composed of Space Ghost, Birdman, The Herculoids, Shazzan, Speed Racer, The Impossibles, Superman and other Hanna-Barbera action shorts)
* ThunderCats
* Voltron
* The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest
1998
* Robotech
* Beast Wars: Transformers
* Sailor Moon
* Superfriends
* Dragon Ball Z
1999
* The Powerpuff Girls
* Ronin Warriors
* ReBoot
2000
* G-Force: Guardians of Space
* Tenchi Muyo!
* Batman: The Animated Series
* Superman: The Animated Series
* Gundam Wing
* Blue Submarine No. 6
2001
* Dragon Ball
* Cardcaptor Sakura
* Batman Beyond
* Outlaw Star
* Zoids: New Century Zero
* Mobile Suit Gundam
* 08th MS Team
* Gundam 0080
* The Big O
2002
* He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
* Transformers: Armada
* G.I. Joe
* Hamtaro
* Samurai Jack
* G Gundam
2003
* Martian Successor Nadesico
* Gigantor
* Dai-Guard
* Yu Yu Hakusho
* Rurouni Kenshin
* .hack//SIGN
* Yu-Gi-Oh!
* Cyborg 009
* IGPX: Micro Series
* Justice League
* SD Gundam
* Star Wars: Clone Wars
2004
* Duel Masters
* Astro Boy
* Transformers: Energon
* Jackie Chan Adventures
* Dragon Ball GT
* Gundam Seed
* Megas XLR
* Teen Titans
* Justice League Unlimited
* Rave Master
2005
* D.I.C.E.
* Zatch Bell!
* The Batman
* One Piece
* Transformers: Cybertron
* Yu-Gi-Oh!
* Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo
* IGPX
* Naruto
2006
* Wulin Warriors
* Pokémon Chronicles
* Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes
* Pokémon: Battle Frontier
* Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
* MÄR
* The Prince of Tennis
2007
* Storm Hawk
* Mega Man Star Force
* Ben 10
2008
* Bakugan Battle Brawlers
* Blue Dragon
* Ben 10: Alien Force

If memory serves me correctly, I primarily watched from 1997-2003. My viewing began to falter and peter out about 2004-2005 and by 2006, I had stopped watching altogether (college and growing up SUCKS).

Regardless, I have Toonami to thank for introducing me to not only some incredibly awesome and classic shows (like Thundercats, Voltron, and Ronin Warriors) but also planting and fostering my love for anime. Before Toonami came about, there wasn't much of an anime outlet for kids my age on television (unless you were one of those rich families with the 30,000 channels...jerks), so Toonami served to bring about a generation or two of anime fans!

HELL! Toonami dedicated an ENTIRE MONTH to honor the legendary anime director Hayao Myazaki. Showcasing his movies (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind) all month gave many new anime viewers something drool over and older anime viewers a chance to revel in true animated art!

Not only THAT but to keep viewers roped into the "feel" of Toonami, Cartoon Network created several Total Immersion Events (TIEs) that were interactive adventures that TOM and SARA went on inbetween shows. The kids viewing could go online and take part in the adventure via minigames and other nifty tidbits! This was awesome programming that made you want to watch both shows AND commercials for fear of missing one action-pumping moment!

But, I digress, Toonami was a phenomenon for what it was. It even broadcast the midnight Saturday run for many years, showcasing popular anime with all the blood and violence intact for the more mature viewers. And, to top it off, they did this TWO YEARS before Adult Swim came along and eventually stole that time slot away. Granted, as Cartoon Network began gearing more for the younger generation, the midnight run was removed and the daytime programming became more...er...unbearable. Eventually, Toonami's four hour time block as reduced to two, and than it was canceled altogether last year.

TOM's fourth and final incarnation
(Drastically different AND kid-friendly?? Clearly to keep in-step with their abysmal programming)

Now, what was left in Toonami's wake to fill the void of actiona-adventure shows and whatnot? Well, let me show you...

• Total Drama Island/Action - has to be the most BLATANT pandering to preteens I've ever seen.
• 6teen - ANOTHER show pandering to preteens, cliques, and stereotypes
• Stoked - IS CARTOON NETWORK TRYING TO BECOME NICKELODEON OR THE DISNEY CHANNEL?!?!
• Bakugan - Pokemon ripoff
• Johnny Test - CN's attempt at bringing the old spark back like they did with Dexter's Lab and whatnot...but it's a failure
• Batman: The Brave and the Bold - ONLY decent show worth watching these days
• Any of their live action shows - ......NO. You're CARTOON Network. Stick with your guns and stop trying to be everyone else!
• Adult Swim - has gone severely downhill since the older days

And there you have it. The birth, life, and death of one of the greatest blocks of programming to have ever hit young adolescent programming. Now, my generation having been raised on anime and action, has to watch the next being raised on preteen garbage. It's a sad thing to view, but perhaps things will come full circle in another generation or so and the kids after THIS up-and-coming generation will have something like Toonami...or maybe the generation after that.

Toonami 1997-2008

"Well, this is the end, beautiful friends. After more than 11 years, this, is Toonami's final broadcast. It's been a lot of fun, and we'd like to thank each and every one of you who made this journey with us. Toonami wouldn't have been anything without you. Hopefully we've left you with some good memories. So, until we meet again, stay gold. Bang."

Stay gold, indeed.

Tabletop Tales: The Moral Quandry with Horrible Death Powers

So there I am, working on a Sunday night a few weeks ago, excited that it's Shadowrun night. Sunday night is the night when I get to play one of my favorite weekly tabletop games: Shadowrun (if you don't know what it is, give it a look! It's worth it!).

So, I soon find out that the game was canceled

But, there's light at the end of this already disappointing tunnel. One of the other players, Mike, says he wants to run a mini-game of another genre with me, my best buddy Wes, and other player/GM Pete. Sure! Why the hell not?

So, Wes and I head over to Pete's house and the four of us begin our new game. Mike asks us each to pick a number between 1 and 9 to determine which powers we'll receive upon starting the game. I pick 9 (in situations like these, I always go for the highest number), Wes picks 5 (Wes, in contrast, picks the middle number), and Pete picks 7 (Pete picks randomly. Strange).

To make a long story short (too late), we receive the powers of a Roman/Greek god of some sort, picked by the planets in the solar system (the 1-9 thing). I, if you haven't figured it out already, received the powers of Pluto/Hades, Lord of the Underworld.

Oh, this oughta be fun.

Wes received the powers of Zeus and Pete the powers of Janus (since the number he picked correlated to Saturn which correlated to a Titan which Mike was NOT having in his game).

Quickly, we realized that Mike handicapped us in various different manners to make the game more challenging for us. Wes, being the embodiment of Zeus, quickly found out that a certain level of confidence was needed to use his powers. Wes, in reality, being the embodiment of self-esteem issues, was rapidly reduced to merely throwing around lightning bolts when he could be doing so much more. Pete, having played in and run many games with Mike in the past, found that his handicap was much more difficult mental components needed to make his powers work.

And me?

My handicap was the other two, Pete and Wes.

What better way to handicap a person with horrible death powers than to give him two moral anchors to prevent him from doing terrible, unspeakable things to pretty much every NPC they run across.

NPC - "Greetings! Welcome to our village! We shall accommodate you heroes, free of charge!"
Me - *kills him*
Pete and Wes - "Why did you do that!?"
Me - "I didn't like the look of his beard. Seemed suspicious."
Pete  - "Well, have better restraint next time."
Me - *rips out his soul and puts it in my trusty soul bag*
Wes - "Why did you do THAT?!"
Me - "Well, we can't have his soul running around telling people we murdered him!"
Me - *raises his corpse as my zombie minion*
Pete - "You gotta be kidding me..."

I mean, seriously, how do you have any moral standing when you're LITERALLY the harbinger of death?? The very nature of the power demands that I reap souls and kill people! Right? RIGHT?!

Well, suffice it to say, I've done my best to murder as few innocent bystanders as possible while attempting to get a handle on these powers. The funny thing is, our characters are literally ourselves that randomly received these powers one regular night in the real world. That was the whole premise.

But wait! You might be asking yourself "Doesn't that mean the GM, himself, is in the game and therefore can metagame by giving the players advice?" Well, you'd normally be right in that assumption if Mike didn't kill himself off at the beginning.

But wait...again! You NOW might be asking yourself "Don't you have the powers of Hades? Doesn't that mean you can bring your dead GM character back to life as your minion?" Why, yes. Yes, I can. And I did just that.

I summoned Mike's spirit from the great beyond (actually ripping him from heaven...he was mildly irriated), and drug him around with me for a good majority of the game as my undead "advisor". To put it in simpler terms: I brought the GM into it as a cheat so I could figure out my powers faster. Yeah...I'm a bastard.

Well, the old saying "what goes around, comes around" took its toll on me. I took spirit Mike to my underworld kingdom to do some stuff, only to find that several thrones belonging to several lesser deities that fell under my rule were in my throne room, several of which being empty. This was what happened:

Me - *faffing about*
In-game Mike - "Hey, can I sit down over here?"
Me - *not paying attention* "Sure, go ahead."
In-game Mike - *sits down in an unoccupied throne* "BEHOLD, SPIRITS OF THE UNDERWORLD! YOUR MASTER HAS DEEMED ME WORTHY TO SIT HERE AND HOLD THE TITLE THAT COMES WITH THIS POSITION! I ACCEPT THE OFFER!"
Me - *jaw drop*
In-game Mike - *now with the powers of a god* "Yeah...that's for dragging me around as your sidekick. Dick."

So, let it never be said that the GM never gets his revenge.

Blog: A Beginning

I have no idea why I'm doing this.

I was thinking "Hey! People might enjoy what I have to say! I should write a blog!"

Clearly, I'm insane for thinking this.

BUT write a blog, I shall. Hopefully some poor soul that's suffering from brain damage may find what I say amusing, insightful, or possibly useful.

Let's find out together!