Thursday, September 2, 2010

Top 10 Computer Villains in Movies

Now, don't get me wrong. I love computers. I love MY computer. This piece of junk has kept going with me for quite some time and gets the job done. Computers aren't the wave of the future. They are the PRESENT. You can look around you and probably see at least a dozen things run by a computer.

Computers. Are. Great.

However, the fact that computers are becoming more and more powerful, smarter, faster, etc. everyday scares living SHIT out of me. The concept of a computer going nuts and wreaking havoc on humanity has been done time and time again in pretty much every media outlet there is, and this list is going to count down the top 10 movie villains that have circuits as guts and wires as veins.

#10 - Delos (WestWorld)


Funny that the first entry on my list is actually a computer VIRUS and not actually a computer. But, that's really nitpicking, now isn't it?

Delos was built to be a tourist paradise for humans, complete with robot servants that looked almost completely human. These robo-servants were designed to cater to the human visitors every whim and desire during their stay. So obviously NOTHING could go wrong with this setup, right?

Enter the virus. It quickly infects all of the human-like servants, causing widespread mayhem throughout. It finally finds a nice comfortable home in a gunslinger robot (played by Yul Brenner) and overloads the poor robot's system, unleashing a horrible killing machine. Eventually, Yul is stopped, but not without causing his share of damage.

I put the Delos virus at #10 because, well, it's a virus. The computers themselves didn't up and rebel against the humans of their own computerized wills. No, they needed a push from some outside source. And the fact that the virus decided to live in only one of the many robots made the threat seem only smaller in scale.

#9 - V'Ger (Star Trek: The Motion Picture)

This list wouldn't be complete without SOME reference to Star Trek. The mysterious and massive ship driven by the equally mysterious force known only as "V'Ger" has come to Earth. For what? Well, we won't ruin the surprise (if you don't know, go watch the damn thing!).

V'Ger's appeal stems mostly from the mystery surrounding it and the enormous scale in which is presented. The sheer size of this monstrosity would give even the bravest space explorer the willies. Trying to imagine what it could do if it decided to blow a circuit and kill everything is a frightening thought, indeed, and leaves even James T. Kirk speechless once or twice.

The reason V'Ger clocks in at number nine is mainly due to its reasoning for coming to Earth. I refuse to say it's a "letdown", considering I LOVE Star Trek and think that movie is amazing, but considering the crazier and more menacing computer villains out there, V'Ger doesn't quite compare.

#8 - Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence aka VIKI (I, Robot)

Computers, man. You just can't trust 'em. This one comes straight from the 2004 Will Smith film, I, Robot, as the coldly calculating AI in control of the primary hub for robotic control and development.

Throughout the film, strange happenings surround Will Smith's character, Det. Del Spooner, as robots seem to be acting up (and against the Three Laws of Robotics), and mysterious deaths and occurrences seem to follow him around.  Having a hatred for the robotic servants that almost everyone in the ENTIRE WORLD has, he automatically suspects their programming to be the culprit.

It isn't until the film's climax is it revealed that the one pulling the strings (and responsible for the death of her own creator) is the AI, VIKI. Viewing humans as destructive creatures in need of domination, she takes control of all the robot units (save for one plucky automaton), and begins enforcing her new laws. When questioned, she merely replies that calculations show less humans will die when things are done her way.

VIKI's motivations and execution are PERFECT for this list. A nutty AI going beyond its programming and attempting to right the wrong of human savagery with the cold fist of machinery. Unfortunately, she doesn't get very far in her plans, which is why she comes in at a paltry number eight.

#7 - War Operation Plan Response aka WOPR (WarGames)

Ah, the classic WarGames movie starring...Matthew Broderick. Well, my distaste for Matthew Broderick aside, let's discuss the horrible supercomputer that nearly brought the known world to its knees.

To make a long story short, concerning the plot, W.O.P.R. was given control of the United States' nuclear arsenal to eliminate the "human element" from decision making. At the same time, it runs simulations of various strategy games to better improve its tactical decision making. A high school hacker (played by Matthew Broderick) hacks into W.O.P.R. and plays a nuclear assault simulation with it (assuming it's a game...idiot), which eventually causes W.O.P.R. to seize control of the countries missiles to retaliate to the Soviet's "attack". In the end, it literally runs every tactical nuclear scenario, finding that none of the outcomes result in anything other than stalemates and relinquishes control.

W.O.P.R. is a classic example of human's trusting their computers far too much and then realizing their awful AWFUL mistake when it's too late. Hell, this particular instance would've ended the world right there if the COMPUTER DIDN'T BEAT ITSELF. That's pretty much why this digital demon clocks in at number seven...a lame way to be beaten.

Seriously...beating yourself? Ultimate bad guy humiliation.

#6 - Proteus IV (Demon Seed)
 
Can computers love? Well, Proteus IV from Demon Seed thought it could. Well, not love per se, but I suppose "virtual rape" is never a great term to throw around, is it?

Proteus is an AI designed to take in the entirety of human knowledge and thus be able to postulate and theorize on its own. It excelled quite well at this. Y'know...save for a few undertones in its comments, the thing seemed to be working just fine. What could POSSIBLY go wrong here? Well, it turns out that Proteus wants a child and not only imprisons and knocks out a woman (Julie Christie), but rapes her with some genetically engineered sperm to get it! In the end, Proteus destroys himself as the heroes try to stop it. However, the newborn child opens its eyes and speaks to the duo in Proteus' voice..."I'm alive."

I have to give Proteus credit where credit is due. Whereas W.O.P.R. nearly destroyed the world, Proteus RAPED (I know I keep saying that, but it's really quite despicable, y'think?) a woman and used that fetus to make himself a body. That's just downright evil. However, it didn't go nearly far enough to beat out these other mechanical monsters.

#5 - Master Control Program (Tron)
 
Tron. Fucking badass movie. Anyone that says the original Tron is stupid deserves to be shot. What helped make Tron amazing was not only the characters and kickass graphics (for the time), but the villain. Can't go wrong with ol' MCP.

The MCP was, again, another artificial intelligence (why do we even make those, again?) that turned its sights on the world. Typical setup, yes? Well, to prevent any problems, he sends a curious programmer INTO the computer system to get rid of him. Typical now? Not so much. Inside the system, the programmer (Jeff Bridges) partners with his own security program, Tron, to take down the nefarious MCP. Crazy 90 degree angle bikes, floating tanks, data stream-riding boats? All part of the journey to take out this nutty nanoprocessor.

Again, the MCP's mid-level placement is entirely based upon the fact that it pretty much defeated itself (sort of). If it hadn't brought the programmer into the computer system (in which the programmer eventually discovered he had god-like powers...being real and all), than the whole thing would've never toppled on his head. Haha, arrogance.

#4 - HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)
  
What's scarier than a psychotic robot with complete control of everything around you? A psychotic robot with complete control of everything around you....while trapped on a spaceship. Welcome to HAL 9000.

Main antagonist in the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL, the AI in control of the spaceship (WHY do we keep letting computers run these things?!) on a mission to Jupiter, goes nuts and starts killing everybody. Why? Some people speculate that the power of the mysterious black monolith caused the computers psychosis, while others theorize someone spilled soda on the console. Whatever the reason, HAL frightened the pants off of viewers, even through its dying words.

The very nature of the situation presented in 2001: A Space Odyssey is terrifying enough: being on a distant space voyage, cutoff from outside assistance, and a psychotic computer keeps killing everyone. The sheer isolation and near-helpless feeling conveyed puts HAL perfectly in my top five.

#3 - Colossus/Guardian (Colossus: The Forbin Project)
 
What happens when you take one supercomputer and allow it to join itself with another supercomputer? No, you don't get a nifty toaster oven. You end the world.

Colossus started out as a supercomputer designed to, what else, control the US's nuclear arms (REALLY, people?!). Immediately after being activated, it senses the presence of a Soviet supercomputer called Guardian and demands a link be established. It is, and the two begin communicating in a mathematical language that eventually exceeds human understanding. The two computers are quite upset when the link is severed and launch missiles to force the humans to reestablish it. They do, but one of the missiles is too far gone to stop and strikes Soviet Russia. The two computers establish themselves as one being meant to look after the illogical and irrational mankind and the film ends with the humans (even Colossus' creator) to stop them.

I put Colossus/Guardian in the top three because it accomplished something the other computers hadn't: take over the world. In short order, the two supercomputers, together, brought humans to their knees. Hell, they did it because they merely wanted to look after mankind and make sure they didn't do anything stupid! The end is the most terrifying as the new single supercomputer speaks to the world and coldly states that "In time, you will come to regard me not only with respect and awe, but with love." Chilling.

#2 - Skynet (The Terminator series)

What list of human-conquering, world-destroying supercomputers would be complete without this particular entry. Skynet actually accomplished where most others failed, and that makes it badass.

Let's go down the list, shall we? Conquer the human race? Check. Create legions of highly deadly and nigh unstoppable machines and robots to keep any human survivors controlled? Check. Say FUCK YOU to the time-space continuum and go back in time (several times, actually) to alter history to quell the human resistance EVEN MORE? Check. Use Arnold Schwarzenegger as a template for one of the scariest and unstoppable machines in the entirety of film history? Check. Oh, did I mention it CONQUERED THE HUMAN RACE?

The main reason Skynet beat out Colossus was because, in Colossus: The Forbin Project, Colossus/Guardian had JUST succeeded in taking control of the world. There was a lot of room for the humans to rise up and find a way to stop it. In the Terminator series, Skynet had long won the war and was merely crushing human survivors. It was the victor, plain and simple. And nothing, not even John Connor, was going to stop it.

#1 - The Matrix (The Matrix trilogy)

I'm not talking about Agent Smith. I'm not talking about the fucking Architect. All those guys are pussies compared to the overall threat of the Matrix itself. I'm talking the full-on computer system that controls the machines, the breeding tubes, the energy pods, and the digital world.

I don't need to explain this one. Everyone should know what the fucking Matrix is. A computerized system setup to control the machine populace of the world and keep the humans in their happy dream place. Why does the Matrix beat out Skynet? Simple. Skynet wanted to conquer and KILL all the humans. What does the Matrix do? It uses humans as BATTERIES. That's right, the Matrix not only defeated the humans in the war-to-end-all wars, but added insult to the humans' defeat by turning right around and using them as a fucking POWER SOURCE to power itself. That's both sadistic and hardcore and THAT is why the Matrix reigns supreme as the most evil computer villain in all of movie history.

Also, Keanu Reeves can suck it. Some agent should've put a bullet in that hacks head from the get-go.

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