Something to Say or Silence will fall

It is a firmly held belief of minee that most people in the world have a lot to say but very little so Say.

If that doesn't make any sense, welcome to my mind.

My ex and I were talking tonight and she began asking me a series of abstract, overly-intellectual questions because she happened to be in one of those moods. During this discourse, she mentioned that I always seem to have something to Say, but seem to hold back.

I responded simply with a few retorts, such as people not being ready, myself not being ready, and me not being able to find the Words.

She parried and riposted by questioning who got to determine such things and that perhaps people would never be ready for someone with something to Say. Saying that to deny the world the things that some people have to Say and the abstract nature of those Sayings would simply cause everyone to be quiet.

I responded with that, instead of actually Saying what needed to be said, Silence would fall (I was being funny, quoting Doctor Who, but realized the significance after the fact).

I wonder if I truly have something to Say. Does everyone have something to Say and many just lose it when they let go of what makes them who they are, or let go of their ability to think coherently or abstractly? I do believe that there is great potential in the world for Sayings, many of which are lost as one gets older. Or does becoming older grant one the clarity to see what they have to Say?

I'm fairly certain that my Saying wasn't obvious until I got older, but maybe it's different for everyone. Maybe, much like our individual fingerprints, what we have to Say is unique to all of us and how it fosters and grows, or inversely withers and disappears, is equally unique to each individual. Whereas high school may be the setting where one young teenager's Saying flourishes into realization, another's may be crushed entirely. There's really no way to no.

Which brings me to my next, rather sorrowful, conclusion on what we have to Say: there seems to be no way to properly develop one's Saying. So many things to Say are lost. So many unique and abstract ideas are never cared for and manifested and shared as they should be. So many possibly world-changing realizations are never realized because the Saying was lost...and that saddens me.

I feel my own Saying still within me. What it Says, I'm not certain. As I think of it, personal truths flash before my eyes, showing how unusually contradictory I am with myself and the world around me.

I speak ill to your face and say good things behind your back.

I value the mind above all other things, moreso than even those that claim they do as well.

I want the world to be more intelligent and have more common sense, but despise everyone less-intelligent than myself.

I am content, but not happy.

I value kindness and good-naturedness, but see the logic in domination and manipulation.

My mind wishes to do a great many things, but the flesh bag it wears feels differently.

I am sad with no reason.

These thoughts and many more flash within the seismic disruption of activity within the cracks and crevices of my mind. My mind, a mind that never ceases to be active, even when I'm actively trying to deactivate it. Oftentimes I find my mind wandering much like it did in my school days when class bored me to literal tears, not a surprising turn of events considering my job has a very similar setting as that of a school, and I go on my fantastic adventures to faraway lands. The same adventures that I often mention in others posts, wishing that I were capable of going on or being whisked away to.

Maybe my setting is stifling my Saying. Maybe I yearn for those faraway lands because my mind interprets that as the only way what I have to Say will be Said.

Then again, maybe it's merely wishful thinking.