That being said, this is his side of the story. I won't say anything more to influence your opinion or perception of the matter so that this comparison remains completely and totally 100% to the reader's interpretation.
However, I WOULD like to point out that his article wasn't very funny so I had to clean it up a bit. And there were a lot of words misspelled. And it was just downright boring.
But I fixed it. So don't worry.
(Editor's Note: I'll be sticking these throughout the article in places I think it's necessary to point out my friend's ignorance. They'll usually accompany a correction I've made or something that makes no sense.)
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So there I was back in Tower of Games on Saturday to burn some time before Pete’s Amber session. As usual I decided to do this by getting an all-day pass and getting on one of the 360s that they have there. But then I noticed something; Dumb hipster hat, a pair of eyes that matched that of a excited crack baby playing with his willy for the first time (Editor's Note: What the fuck does this even mean, James?), a goatee that belongs in a museum dedicated to the 90’s, and a stomach that was destined to become a beer belly lined with so much yeast that it would maintain a certain perk to it (Editor's Note: Was this a joke? I'm not even certain anymore if this, or any of the other things being written, are jokes). Yeah, I’m sure you would have guessed it by now: it was Jason.
(Editor's Note: Proper punctuation is critical to maintaining the correct tone for your article, James. Also, you're a fucking idiot.)
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| Editor's Note: In my defense, this was taken 10 years ago. Fucker. |
Several things went through my head. “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!” was one of them. As well as the fact that the last two times he posted about our co-ops he made me out the be the dumb one and SOILED my good name. Well readers only I may soil myself. (Editor's Note: I'm sure my readers don't doubt this, buddy)
James: Ok, but only if you post my side of the story and you will post yours without reading mine first. Now why not “Kane and Lynch 2” (Editor's Note: This is incorrect. I was the one that chose Kane & Lynch 2. There is no joke here. James is just a liar)
He of course did not agree to play co-op in a game that was made to be a co-op. No, he picked Kane and Lynch 2: Pile of Hairy Dog Shit
OOPS my bad It was called dog DAYS not PILE OF HAIRY dog SHIT.
Easy mistake. (Editor's Note: I didn't correct these sentences because I wanted a clear example of how James doesn't understand how capitalization works)
Let me get what was wrong with the game out of the way first. I’m not going to get into the story as me and Jason just didn’t care. I read the plot on wiki later and found that I saved myself from making heavy sighs. You know it’s sad when you can spot bad writing and plot holes on the wiki. What disappointed me was that Kane never had his trippy moment where he starts to freak out. That was the highlight of the last game but they took it out. (Editor's Note: The fact that James actually referenced the first game and admitted to playing it shows how much more devoted, i.e. stupid, he is than I am)
Don’t worry guys I’ll get to why Jason sucks in a moment let me just blow past the game real quick. AI was uninspired and very buggy. Hit detection only detected when it felt like it. Level design was cramped and a little confusing. No melee or if there was it wasn’t working. Weapons were unrealistic. Taking cover was an ordeal. There was NOTHING in the gameplay I could speak of that was original. Simply put that game that Jason forced me to play had nothing above par. (Editor's Note: I like how James clearly states that it was me that chose Kane & Lynch 2 as the game to play when he earlier says HE was the one that chose it. Caught in our own lie are we, Mr. Marine?)
Now, on to why Jason sucks. I’ve seen 12-year-olds that could out play this guy in shooters. I didn’t mind the rush tactic that he used, sometimes it works because it denies the enemy time to prep. But not when Jason does it. (Editor's Note: This paragraph alone had 13 punctuation errors. Just wanted to point that out)
James: I’ll take the left side and push up.
Jason: Ok. Headshot. Headshot. Headshot.
James: That means you should get the fuck out my way at push up the right side.
Jason: Ok. Headshot. Headshot.
James:That's see here...now we...OW...JASON WHY am I am unprotected from the right. Those where clearly your guys that you blew past. Slow down we aren’t being timed!
Jason: Headshot....Headshot...Pft Keep up I’m getting SO many more kills then you (there is no way to tell this as the game didn’t keep track of stats)...oh by the way I’m 2 seconds away from dieing you should jump into this Chinese gang bang and save me.
(Editor's Note: James said none of the things he claimed to in the above dialogue. Either he was drunk, was remembering playing a different game, or is a liar. I'm still leaning toward the "liar" reason)
The game may have not had any stats to it but I do.
35.2% “Headshot” (72.3% of those were LIES)
20.7% “James, revive me.”
35.1% Shit Talk.
(Editor's Note: This is the point in the article when I'd question how James was able to accurately quantify the things being said. However, I realized that the answer is obvious: he's one of those retards that's only good at math. And by math, I mean coming up with bullshit figures)
After awhile we lost ourselves to cursing at each other. Thankfully, there were no kids there because F-bombs were being dropped like it was Pearl Harbor.
When Alex came in and told us that it was time to play Amber and you know what I thought it was over but no (Editor's Note: This sentence is beyond salvation. Enjoy your stay in grammar hell). He had to go on a monologue about how gay I was. Readers would you please refer to the first image. After awhile I decided it was time to keep my pimp hand strong. (Editor's Note: He didn't actually hit me in the balls, truth be told. He did, girlishly, slap me in the face before prancing off like a heartbroken ballerina trying to make sure her running mascara didn't get on her pretty pink tutu)
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| Editor's Note: Oh, yeah. Using the same image twice. Fucking hilarious, you master of comedy. |
And there you have it readers. I hope this was an enlightening experience for all of you out there. Now go read something a bit more mentally stimulating before those brain cells you lost reading this garbage of his become permanent.
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