The Evolution of Vampires

In my weekly, Saturday Amber game, I am about to take the transition into full-on Monster. I have chosen to commit myself to being a vampire of all things (let's face it, vampires have plenty of history, variation, and cause to fear). My decision to become a vampire was not a light one in that I literally wracked my brain for extended periods of time to pick what form I wanted to dedicate the rest of my eternity-long stretch as a Monster.

Vampire seemed acceptable.

Now, before my faithful readers start spouting out tired, hackneyed, and predictable Twilight jokes, allow me to clarify Pete's stance on such things. Pete is under the opinion that Twilight "vampires" are not, in fact, vampires. He has no actual definition for what they are but considering they don't follow several core rules of vampire mythos, his opinion stands. At least it does within the confines of his game.

That being said, I took some time to consider vampires over the course of their long and detailed history. As I was doing this, a revelation came upon me (with some inspiration from a Cracked.com video):

Nobody wants to kill vampires anymore in today's culture, but rather people want to sleep with them. Now, this may not seem like a huge revelation to most of you, but you have to delve deeper into WHY this change occurred. What, over the course of a mere decade, caused the general populace to stop fearing these creatures of the night and instead start lusting after them.

Now, firstly, I'm not saying that vampires weren't lusted after before the last decade or so began. No no no...far from it. It's well-known that popular writers like Anne Rice have sexualized vampires gratuitously since the mid-70s onward. However, I AM stating that it seems the overall feel of vampires has shifted SIGNIFICANTLY MORE toward this sexualization and away from the horror in the last decade or so.

I'm flat-out stating that, at some point, people stopped fearing this:

And instead started lusting after this:

or this...

...or this...

So why has this change occurred? What is it about vampires that people suddenly find irresistibly attractive instead of repulsive?

Well, first and foremost, to use the above example, vampires have slowly transitioned visually from the deformed monstrosities style into the sexy-humans-with-tanning-problems style. Seriously, two of the above fuckers look more pale than an albino Irishman.

Or maybe it's the fact that any sort of lasting relationship with these creatures of the night would be impossible short of them chomping on your neck and turning you into one of their own. Perhaps women are drawn to the unobtainable aspect of vampires in that, they may have them for a short period of time (re: short=lifetime for the girl) but they won't grow old and die together. Does that appeal to women these days?

Girl: Oh, you're so mysterious and handsome
Vampire: I'm a vampire
Girl: Oh, that just makes you even MORE mysterious and handsome
Vampire: I'm going to outlive you by a longshot
Girl: Oh, take me away super mysterious and handsome man!
Vampire: No, seriously, I'm going to still look twenty-something while you're 80

And how does this prospect even appeal to the vampire?? As I just stated, the vampire would still look 20-something while the love of his life would literally be 80. I understand the concept of love conquering all boundaries be they time, space, age, etc. but I assume even vampires have standards! If I were a vampire and I decided to spend a lifetime with a girl, no amount of love would make my handsome chiseled ass cuddle up with a wrinkly old woman.

No offense, I just don't see that as realistic, y'know?

Maaaaaybe it's a sexual thing. I mean...vampires across the board share the mythos of superior strength, speed, stamina, glaring power, etc. Maybe the women just see a vampire, and think to themselves "I'm dating a bodybuilder and THAT guy could still kick his ass. I want to get fucked by THAT guy!"

I'm certain women don't think QUITE like that, but you get the idea.

It makes sense though. From a purely physical standpoint, vampires are superior to normal men and would therefore be better equipped to pleasure a woman, from certain standpoints. I haven't heard of any mythos where vampires are also gifted with larger members, but what do I know? I've never been a vampire.

Wait wait wait...I'm completely overlooking the maturity issues here. Women oftentimes like older guys. Some say it's for the maturity while others are just dirty gold-diggers looking for some elderly cash, but either way, vampires still appeal to the age aspect. I mean, if that 20-something-year-old girl finds herself in a phase where she wants to date an older man, for whatever reason, don't you think she would like the prospect of a 200-year-old vampire WITH an ageLESS chiseled body to go with it? I'd say so.

All in all, it's clear that there are many possible reasons for the transition of vampires from horror monster to sexual monster. But how did this all start?

Well, that's an easy one.

Fanfiction. Some sickos OBVIOUSLY started writing stories about being "sucked dry" by vampires and that shit caught like wildfire. Romance novel writers get PAID churning out shit like that. It just so happened that a few of those cheap romance novelists inexplicably and undeservingly hit it big.

*cough*StephenieMeyer*cough*

Ah well....hopefully at some point in the future, we'll come full circle and vampires will return to the terrible and feared monsters that they once were. Until then, we sane folk will just have to endure the tide.