So there we are, playing Amber (isn't it hilarious how a lot of my best stories come from that game?), and I had left off last session attempting to handle a D&D-esque dungeon all by myself, without telling the rest of the party where I was or what I was doing.
Not the smartest move on my part, no, but I am known for my impulsive nature.
Anyway, this last session began with my first encounters in the "crawl". Nothing too major...a trap here, some goblins there. Basically, nothing I couldn't handle. Then, it happens...
I encounter a gelatinous cube.
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| Gelatinous Cube |
Normally, something like this wouldn't pose a challenge for me, as I would typically rip its soul out and eat it, rendering the thing into harmless dust, but that wasn't the case here. You see, to actually rip a thing's soul out, I had to connect with it in some way (normally, I'd connect to the thing's fear from being ripped to shreds by a terrible monster i.e. me) to perform the soul extraction, but the cube, being of alien-mind, wasn't susceptible to my normal methods.
My fellow player, Mikey, suggested that I connect with its hunger (since I'm always hungry as a monster...see my older entry) to perform the soul extraction. I found this to be a sound idea and went ahead with it. The following dialogue is exactly how it went:
Me - "Okay, Pete, I have an idea."
Pete - "Okay."
Me - "Because the thing doesn't think like a human or normal creature, and because I've eaten a small bit of it and understand its nature, I want to tap into the things hunger and use that connection between its hunger and my hunger to rip its soul out."
Pete - "Okay, so you want to shut everything off except your hunger to do this?"
Me - "....for only a moment, yes?"
Pete - "I'll get back to you."
Typically, when Pete says "I'll get back to you", it means you screwed up in a way that means your character can't act for an extended period of time. I wasn't pleased. Oh, but it got worse.
Jump ahead three days, in-game time. The others are going about their various activities within the realm of the city we were staying at, unaware of what happened to me. Suddenly, one player, Black Mike, spots something strange coming his direction. Upon closer examination, he discovers it to be not a 10x10x10 gelatinous cube...oh no, he sees a 7 STORY TALL GELATINOUS CUBE WREAKING HAVOC THROUGH THE CITY.
Y'see what happened was, shutting off everything but my hunger TURNED me into a gelatinous cube. BUT I was not just an ordinary gelatinous cube...I was a gelatinous cube with Monster powers. Oh fuck. So, as Pete explained it, I, as the horrible gelatinous cube, cleared out the entirety of the dungeon and, with nothing left to eat down there, proceeded to the surface to find new food. Because a gelatinous cube hunts and senses by heat, I was blind to everything on the surface except the sun. So, in trying to reach the sun to eat it, I happened to trample all over the city killing many.
Great. There goes morality.
Fortunately, the party is quick to fix me and wake my man-mind up. We manage to cover up the fact that it was me by pretending I was one of the survivors from the cube attack.
So...horrible destruction wrought by a monstrous gelatinous cube aside, we head back to the dungeon to claim the loot that was rightfully mine (I technically DID clear the dungeon as I meant to do...). However, we get intercepted by the king and his posse who question us.
Guy - *activates a lie-detecting spell* "You there! Aren't you the one that entered the dungeon a few days ago?"
Me - "Yes. Yes I am."
Guy - "And you went by yourself?"
Me - "Yes, I did."
Guy - "How did you escape?"
Me - *motioning toward the huge swath of destuction* "Clearly, I didn't."
Never underestimate my ability to tell honest lies. Unfortunately, the interrogation didn't continue. I wish it had considering I had more truthful lies to answer with. Something like this:
Guy - "What happened to you down there?"
Me - "Well, I cleared the dungeon (which is true, since I did so as the gelatinous cube) and was carried out by the gelatinous cube (which is also true considering the gelatinous cube "mind" carried me along)."
Guy - "How did you survive?"
Me - "With the grace of luck and the assistance of my companions once the cube exited the dungeon (which are both true)."
The incident was thenceforth referred to by party as Cubegeddon (except Mikey who refused to call it that on account of "stupidity"). Not one of my best sessions, but at least it wasn't as bad as the horrible artifact we found after the incident...
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