Top 10 Reasons Why I'm the Meatshield in the Saturday Amber Game

Everyone has heard me mention the Friday and Saturday Amber games, run by Mikey and Pete respectively, before. I believe it bears repeating that the Amber games are a good test of mental acuity and lateral thinking, considering that there are no dice involved and anything you want to do you have to explain precisely how you want to do it...or face the consequences.

Of the two GMs, Pete is by far the tougher. By tougher, I mean that he expects more from the players "mental components" (sequences of thought and action that make our powers work). If you don't remember a detail out-of-game, you won't remember it IN-game. If you've slipped by on doing a simple power and forget how to do the mental component, and Pete asks you how its done, than you're fucked.

Now, there ARE stats in Amber. Those are basically how the GMs decide who the victor is in a particular conflict (though, other factors are taken into consideration). Each "power" grants its user a different set of stat boosts, basically optimizing the character for a particular role within the party. For example, Mages primarily get higher bonuses to their mental stats, making them (duh) suited for spellcasting and mental combat. Shapers and Monsters, on the other hand, primarily get higher bonuses to their strength and endurance. This makes them equipped to give and take a lot of close-combat damage.

SO...being only Monster in the party (and being the only Shaper before that), I take and have taken the most damage out of anyone in the party. And, for some inexplicable reason, I still haven't died from any of it.

With all that said, I think it would be fun to count off the top ten instances where I took the most damage, be it through combat or my own silliness. Here we go!

10. The time in which I transformed from a small-sized being into a larger-sized being, causing Ethiopian-ism

This one goes way back to my early Shaper days. I was experimenting with size, scaling and transformation at the time, and I wondered how quickly I could go from a small-ish sized creature (specifically, the size of a snake) to a large-ish sized creature (specifically, a human). What I discovered, much to my dismay was that such an exercise was POSSIBLE, but not practical. Upon completing the transformation, I found myself completely drained of energy which physically manifested in the form of being sickly thin. I was so weak that the other party members had to feed me like a child until I had regained enough energy to do it myself. Embarrassing and informative, to say the least.

Damage Factor: 3/10
Trauma Factor: 2/10
Pain Factor: 3/10

9. The time in which I went from a fully spiritual being into a fully physical being, causing Ethiopian-ism, and then eating myself

This instance is similar to the last one, but different for one crucial reason. We'll get to that in a moment.

To set the stage, I found myself engaged with various spirits that were looking to take my head. Obviously, I felt rather attached to my head, so I decided to fight back. However, spirits can't be attacked by the physical (unless they themselves were manifesting physically...which they weren't). However, as a Shaper, I had the ability to touch spiritual things as if they were physical. However, I either had forgotten this or wasn't aware yet. No no...instead I decided to shed my body like it was an out-of-style coat and turn into a completely spiritual creature to fight off the attacking spirits. I was successful, don't get me wrong, but when I turned back into a physical creature, the same sickly thin effect occurred. This time, however, I had a ready food supply: my previously discarded body.

Yes, that's right, I ate myself to get back some of the energy lost. Sometimes I sicken myself.

Damage Factor: 3/10
Trauma Factor: 4/10
Pain Factor: 3/10

8. The time in which I pushed a spaceship into a concentrated laser beam, going into the laser beam myself

This one is kinda fun.

We were attempting to free an imprisoned group of psychics from a coalition of various enemies including low men, stormtroopers, and can-toi. The stormtroopers, however, called in reinforcements in the form of a large starship above the town. One of the party members, aptly nicknamed Black Mike, had what was essentially a Green Lantern ring as his power and used it to generate a high intensity laser beam focused on the ship. I, meanwhile, had flown up there to engage it directly and saw this as a (clearly) perfect opportunity to be badass and push the damn ship clean through the laser beam. The one problem I came to discover was that I, myself, am not immune to laser beams. Fortunately, the warform that I was using was built to not feel pain, so I was essentially melting my entire body without feeling a lick of it.

Yet.

Oh...I felt it later...

Damage Factor: 4/10
Trauma Factor: 3/10
Pain Factor: 5/10

7. The time in which I tried to fix a powerful psychic that has a brain aneurysm, accidentally getting turned into a shoggoth

This actually took place prior to the above spaceship incident.

We were in a nearby cave planning our assault with some NPC psychics from the prison town. One of the psychics was both very powerful and very mentally handicapped. A combination of the two caused severe damage to his brain...damage that was killing him with every use of his powers. I, being the healer of the party as well as the meatshield, decided that I should fix him and make everyone happy. However, one quickly discovers that the feedback of a powerful psychic into a shapeshifter unexpectedly causes that shapeshifter to lose control and become, essentially, a rampaging shoggoth.

If you don't know what a shoggoth is, go look it up.

Anyway, I attacked the entire party, not knowing what I was doing, and managed to be saved by Mikey the mage.

Damage Factor: 2/10
Trauma Factor: 10/10
Pain Factor: 1/10

6. The time I rammed my head into the bottom of a ship while going Mach 1000

Ah, this is the first of the more recent incidences. Currently, I take the chosen form of an angel. On top of that, I have the ability to craft and cast spells. One spell I crafted was a speed-increasing spell that physically manifested as jetpack wings on my angelic form! It...was...AWESOME!

For those of you old-school cinema fans, I went plaid.

Anyway, I aimed my Mach Ridiculous attack at a nearby Logrus master and succeeded in exploding him into little chunks through the immense impact. However, I also found myself generally out of control due to a series of unfortunate...er...piloting missteps. Luckily, I have an Amberite on my side that can probability shift that I'll make it out okay, right?

Nope.

He dictates that I'll probably ram into that enemy ship sinking it. Which I do. And my neck breaks from doing it. Dick.

Damage Factor: 6/10
Trauma Factor: 5/10
Pain Factor: 3/10

5. The time in which I had to carry a box of explosives to the bottom of the sea while being assaulted by an Amberite

This one was toward the end of the first season arc.

We were on our way back to Amber to begin the final stretch of battles and adventures that would lead to the ultimate climax. However, we had to GET to Amber first. One particular obstacle stood in our way: Rebma.

Rebma is the underwater reflected city of Amber. The Amberite in charge of Rebma, Llewella, decides to send her forces against us. To counter this, we happen to have a box full of sodium (I think it was sodium...), which happens to explode violently when exposed to water. And we were fighting an underwater battle.

Hmm....so a plan is hatched where I would carry the box down to the Rebman base of operations while being protected by the other party members from the surface. The plan was to Trump (magical means of communication and transportation) me out when I delivered the package.

The plan worked, but not without me getting my ass handed to me constantly by Llewella the whoooole way down.

Damage Factor: 7/10
Trauma Factor: 3/10
Pain Factor: 7/10

4. The time in which I was exploded by Gepetto

This one is actually rather tame when compared to other things on this list. It wasn't particularly painful nor did it take a very long time to occur.

No, the reason this incident is on this list and at the number four slot is because of one simple reason: this was the only time that my physical body was outright destroyed against my will. It was the first and ONLY instance I can recall where my entire physical form was utterly annihilated. Fortunately, I discovered my reflexive escape route when that happened in that my spirit returned to its home world, the Garden, from which I was able to return.

However, that was the first time I feared dying in Pete's game.

Damage Factor: 10/10
Trauma Factor: 8/10
Pain Factor: 1/10

3. The time in which I accidentally exited the atmosphere and then re-entered it, forgetting about re-entry heat

Ah, this one is the most recent of the occurrences.

Fighting a trio of Logrus masters who were trying to summon an army of Chaosians through a Black Road they had formed, we decided that they couldn't be allowed to continue living. So, we assaulted them. One of the Logrus masters was creating a bridge between where they were and one of the world's moons. I honestly had no idea what she was trying to accomplish with this, but I've had bad experiences in the past where moons were dropped on me.

I decided I should sever whatever it was that she was doing.

So, I aimed for what, in my angel vision, appeared to be a ladder extending to the moon. Except that I was heading FOR the moon...a fact I did not realize until after I was out of the atmosphere. I decided this was a bad idea and that I should get back. Upon re-entering the atmosphere, I discover that the laws of re-entry still apply to me. Fortunately, I still had my handy angelic shield to act as a heat shield, right? Wrong. My shield...my metal ANGELIC shield...melted upon re-entry.

This whole incident left my angelic form scarred and my human body without skin.

Yum.

Damage Factor: 9/10
Trauma Factor: 6/10
Pain Factor: 7/10

2. The time in which I was impaled by Leviathan

Ah Leviathan...my other half.

Throughout the game, Leviathan has always been my enemy and/or rival. He has the same power as I do, but does it better. It's infuriating, I tell you. Back when we were enemies, Leviathan attacked Amber.

I saw this as an opportunity to finally prove myself the better and vanquish him once and for all. At that point, Gerard and everyone else had been wailing on Leviathan rather thoroughly, forcing the terrible beast to retreat. I, however, wasn't about to let that happen as I proceeded to jump onto his back and wail into him.

I wanted Leviathan dead because a) I was jealous that he was considered the better and b) he kept BOTHERING us. Seriously, everywhere we turned another of the evil cabal was there. It was getting tiresome and annoying. However, Leviathan had other plans than to let himself be skewered by the bird-snake as he proceeded to take his tail, which the end of which roughly the size of a giant boat anchor, and run me through. Normally, this would hurt me but not be enough to stop me.

No no...it was when he proceeded to rip his tail out through my side (with some assistance from me, of course) that I was down for the count.

Fortunately, I healed up, as I always do, and was back to battle a while later.

Damage Factor: 10/10
Trauma Factor: 8/10
Pain Factor: 9/10

1. The time in which a Logrus monster chewed my body and spirit to pieces, and then being "rescued" by teleportation through the realm of the dead

And we come to the final point.

The big one.

The one incident in all of Pete's Amber game that was the most damaging, the most incapacitating, the most traumatizing of all the experiences I've been through. This instance was so harmful to my character that I literally had to spend experience to undo the trauma, which I've never had to do before.

Here's what happened:

Our party was stationed in a city which we were defending from an incoming invasion of Chaosians. In the city's harbor was a Logrus master (the one mentioned above in the rocket angel entry) that was attacking the city with a giant Chaos squid thing. This being the most prevalent opponent at the time, I decided to take him on mano-e-mano. Flying out there, I quickly discovered that he was faster than me. Obviously, the solution to this was to make myself faster so I decided to do so...by crafting a spell in the middle of combat. Crafting a spell essentially makes me as vulnerable as a coma victim and the Chaos squid proceeded to rip me apart, eat me, chew me, etc etc.

Fortunately, my darling lady Julia, who plays a Necromancer, rescued me by teleporting me to safety....teleporting me THROUGH the realm of the dead to safety. Now, just saying that doesn't quite convey the sheer horror and disgusting nature of such a teleportation. You're essentially ripped through the land of the dead and your body, decayed and rotting and maggotty, REVERSE decays back to its whole form. And you FEEL all of it. So not only was my body and spirit rent asunder, but I was rescued in the most uncomfortable, horrifying, and grotesque fashion possible.

I spent only one experience point to repair the trauma I suffered from this incident, but even Pete admitted that I should've probably had to pay more.

Damage Factor: 10/10
Trauma Factor: 10/10
Pain Factor: 10/10

The things I do for my fellow party members...

Wordslinging Critic Update

It's been a while, and I've been a slacker, but I have a few reviews coming up. Be on the look out for the following:

- Thor
- Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides
- Source Code
- Green Lantern
- Transformers 3

Always, thanks for reading/watching!

The Mystique of the "Old West"

I know...I know...it's been a while since I've posted. I've honestly been out of ideas and had little time to work on existing ones. However, I figured I'd post a little something to let everyone know that I'm still alive.

Now...onto the point of this article: the old west.

I LOVE the old west. When I was younger (my preteen days, to be exact), my father introduced me to the renowned western classics, the Man with No Name trilogy.

Badass

For those not initiated, the Man with No Name trilogy was the quintessential collection of old western/Clint Eastwood films. They included, in chronological order of release:

• A Fistful of Dollars (1964)
• For a Few Dollars More (1965)
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)

There were a few other films that KIND OF tie into the trilogy, like High Plains Drifter,  but those three are the essentials.

The plots of the movies vary slightly. The only part you're going to remember are that Clint Eastwood is a badass gunfighter with no legitimate name who ends up killing a lot of people with his badass gunfighting skills. This one common theme amongst the movies is normally wrapped in some semblance of a plot involving Clint Eastwood's character helping out a downtrodden town, hunting for treasure, etc. However, the core of the movies remains the same: old west gunfighting.

After my love of the old west was fostered by these three movies, I moved onto other memorable westerns. Unforgiven (1992), The Magnificent Seven (1960), Once Upon a Time in the West (1968), and other such films were included in my library. The spaghetti western became a staple of my cinematic diet.

As I grew and expanded my interests, I found there to be great deal of overlap between the western and other genres that interested me. Notably the cross between science fiction and western (in such shows like cult favored Firefly) and between steampunk and western (what is typically called the "weird west" genre).

Western...IN SPAAAAAACE!

Now, having been given a bit of my personal history with the old west as a genre, we can get into the meat and potatoes of this article.

The thing I find most fascinating about the western genre (or, at least, the film depictions of the western) is that it's essentially taking old tales of heroes and knights and putting them into a different setting. Swords are replaced by guns, knights are replaced by wandering gunslingers, and so on. Hell, one of my favorite movies of all time, Seven Samurai, was remade into a western, The Magnificent Seven, showing that even classic eastern tales can be converted into western format.

The fluidity and converting nature of the western is so encompassing, one could take any classic tale of heroism and turn it into a western (with a bit of tweaking, of course). On the other side of the coin, however, westerns themselves are easily adaptable to other genres as well, as was previously mentioned in this article. This dual-natured adaptation makes the western one of the most usable, yet still unique, genres out there.

Going back to my original comparison between westerns and tales of medieval knights, we come to the centerpiece of the western culture: the gun.

The sword of the western world

Very much like the legendary swords of yor, the old west gun has an identity all its own.Much like how well-known swords from fantasy stories/movies helped define and identify their owners, a famous gunslinger would oftentimes be identified by his firearm.

Though not a practical weapon from a certain standpoint, I still find myself drawn to the classic old west revolver. These were the guys that traversed one of the most dangerous sections of the world for its time with nothing more to protect themselves than six bullets. THAT's hardcore.

I personally find myself particularly drawn to the classic 1800s conversion revolver, like the Man With No Name's.

 

It's got a sleak look to it, the same deadly visuals of a regular revolver, and a lot more style in my opinion than your average firearm. 

Someday, maybe I can have a pair of six-shooters to call my own and I can ride off into the sunset after murdering a bunch of banditos.....*sigh* someday....