Let's Play: Star Trek 25th Anniversary - Part 1

Blog Announcement 9/25/10

Regressing Back to Childhood

Well, I've just started learning how to work on my own car. It's not a quick process (clearly), but I think I'm making good progress toward being a real grease monkey someday.

Haha anyway...

This got me thinking back to my days as a wee little child, sitting my room full of toys....

And tearing them apart.

Yes, I was the type of child that would swipe his father's tools and disassemble his toys in ways that the manufacturers didn't intend six-year-olds to do. I took them apart, put them back together, mix-and-matched the pieces to see if I could make a BETTER toy...the possibilities were endless if you were working with interchangeable plastic pieces and toys.

  

GAH! Nothing like that though...now, I'm going to have nightmares.

The toys I specifically remember disassembling the most was the vast collection of old Power Ranger toys I owned. And, yes, before we get into it, I was a huge Power Rangers fan when I was a child. Couldn't get enough of that shit as a kid...stupid multi-colored, world-saving fuckers.

The Zord toys worked the best toward this endeavor. I loved taking those fucking robots apart and making a BIGGER robot that kicked ass and killed everything. I know those things already transformed and could be put together into bigger robots, but that wasn't good enough for me. Oh no, I had to have a robot that could step on entire cities!

Man, I miss the old days, sometimes.

Top 5 Computer Villains in Video Games

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back!

Last time, we counted down the Top 10 Computer Villains in Film. This time, we're taking a crack at the video game genre. Now, video games have given us some of the most memorable villains in the history of villaindom. Sephiroth, Bowser, that fucking unbeatable smiley face from Berserk...we gamers have fond memories of fighting (and defeating, if we're lucky) some of the toughest baddies. However, there is a serious lack of actual "computer" villains in video games, so I have to cut this list down by five.

No worries, valiant readers, for I shall persevere forward and bring you a satisfying (hopefully) list!

#5 - John Henry Eden (Fallout 3)

John Henry Eden is the President of the United States in Fallout 3. What people DON'T realize until their character actually meets him is that President Eden is, in fact, NOT human. No, President Eden is actually an AI supercomputer that was established, initially, as a monitoring device for a military base. Over time, however, it became self-aware and built itself a personality that is an amalgamation of all former U.S. Presidents.

What makes Eden a great villain is that it not only fools everyone into thinking it's human when it isn't, thus providing such a wonderfully devious surprise to the player, but it also has such a malevolent plan. It requests that the player poison the water so that all radiation-infected individuals are killed, leaving only "pure" citizens left.

Also, Eden is voice by Malcolm McDowell. And Malcolm McDowell instantly makes ANY villain ten times more badass.

#4 - Allied Mastercomputer aka AM (I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream)

Now, I know this is cheating, since AM was featured in a book by the marvelous Harlan Ellison prior to being in a video game based on the same book, but it's just so FITTING. AM is a supercomputer created during the Cold War (which escalated into a world war in this story's timeline) to aid in the fighting. Two other supercomputers of the same name were created, one for the U.S.A., China, and Russia. Eventually, one of the three became self-aware (go figure) and absorbed the other two, becoming the AM in the story/game. The now omnipotent AM enacts genocide on all of humankind, save for five individuals. These five individuals suffer 109 years of endless torture and suffering, as AM refuses to let them die.

AM is just EVIL in the game. He twists and manipulates the five individuals in their separate tests to fall upon the weaknesses they showed in their lives prior to being AM's puppets. He torments, goads, insults, horrifies, belittles, and hurts them in unimaginable ways that only a vengeful god could think up. A small example: he has kept the five from eating and drinking for a LONG time and when one of them initially finds water on their journey, he prevents them from even getting near it. Terrible.

#3 - SHODAN (System Shock series)

Ah, SHODAN. SHODAN was an AI in control of Citadel Station in System Shock 1. The player character, a hacker, was hired to enter SHODAN's systems and her ethical restrictions were subsequently removed, making her the monster that many gamers know and fear. The amusing thing about SHODAN is that the player is the one that created her. In System Shock 2, she manipulates a cybernetically modified soldier (modified by SHODAN, amusingly) to destroy her rogue creations and hopefully return to power once more.

Why is SHODAN deserving of a spot on this list? Well, I believe the answer you seek is here:

SHODAN

#2 - GLaDOS (Portal)

 
Who didn't see this one coming? Honestly. GLaDOS was, by far and large, one of the most popular villains to come out of recent gaming culture. Nevermind that she's a computer. That has NOTHING to do with it. GLaDOS is an amazing VILLAIN period. Being the AI in charge of a mysterious Aperture Science facility, GLaDOS is the nice computer AI that assists you in the testing of the portal gun. However, as the game continues, the player will notice certain things...wrong with GLaDOS. Did she just insult me underhandedly? Is she questioning my morality? WHY does she keep talking about cake?! Eventually, it comes down to this great battle between you and your portal gun versus the maniacal computer bent on killing you with rockets or horrible gas.

GlaDos is here because...well, I shouldn't have to explain myself on this one. No villain is more unnerving, no villain is more two-faced, no villain is more underhanded than GLaDOS. She, along with the amazing gameplay and suck-you-in atmosphere, are what made Portal such a perfection of gaming. What's even better is that soon gamers will be blessed with the return of their favorite computerized bitch in Portal 2.

#1 - The Video Game Computer (every game, ever)

 
Don't you DARE question this choice! It is definitely NOT a cop out, and I'll even explain why! Let's begin the lesson, shall we?

How many times have you played a fighting game until the end, only to be cheap-shotted by the boss AI?

How many times in an adventure game did you get stuck in an unwinnable situation because the computer didn't give you the clue you needed??

How many times in an FPS have you started to reload your gun, only to have ten guys with shotguns round the corner and light you up???

How many times have you played a strategy game only to have THE FUCKING ZERGS RUSH YOU FROM NOWHERE?!

The point I'm making is that there is no more evil a computer villain than the processor and AI of every game you ever play. It is DETERMINED to make you lose no matter what the cost. And that is why it beats you.

And THAT is why it tops my list. Period.

Tabletop Tales: Significant Other Syndrome

This is a difficult one to pin down, at least for the non-experienced tabletop gamer, but if you've been playing tabletop games for any extended period of time with multiple groups, you might be familiar with this dilemma.

Allow me to paint you a picture. There you are, bored, wishing you had something to do, when a buddy calls you up about a game that's being started. Now, this game seems to be a pretty standard situation: a bunch of your friends, one of whom is being the GM, starting up a new game together just for the fun of it.

All right, things are looking up!

So, you agree, and everyone gets together for the first session. The GM's significant other is pittering about, but nothing immediately alarming. He/she's probably there to hang out on the computer or watch television in the other room right? Right? Wrong. Right when everyone is ready to start the first session, he/she sits down with their own character.

And so the madness begins.

The problem with having the significant other (or S.O., for the sake of brevity) of a GM play IN that GM's game is because the GM will, more often than not, show the S.O. preferential treatment. This preferential treatment may even go so far as to ruin the game for all the normal players that are there to have a good time.

Here are some examples that I've experienced or been told about by friends:

GM: Okay, you're being attacked by some guys. What do you do?
Player 1: I'll attack with my sword!
GM: All right, that proves ineffective.
Player 2: I attempt to cast a spell at them!
GM: The spell goes off, but they don't seem fazed by it.
S.O.: I look at the guys and send them into the core of the sun using the power of my mind!
GM: That works! The guys are incinerated horribly! Good job, sweety.
Players 1&2: ....what.

GM: All right, you defeated the dragon and his horde is there for the taking. Among the treasure is an elven Moonblade.
Player 1: Excellent! Me being the only elf, I'll just-
S.O.: I take it!
GM: All right! He/she gets the Moonblade.
Player 1: But non-elves can't even USE a Moonblade! It KILLS them if they touch it!
GM: Oh...uh...oh! He/she has a small trace of elven blood that allows he/she to use it.
S.O.: Yay!
Player 1: This is horseshit.

Player 1: Hey, why does S.O. have all these skills and abilities? He/she's like...level 9.
GM: Um...
Player 2: Really? We're only level 5.
GM: Well...we kind of do a bunch of one-on-one roleplaying after dinner/before bed/after sex, so he/she leveled up a bunch when you guys weren't here.
Players 1&2: ....
GM: But it's all completely legitimate!

There are other completely DIFFERENT kinds of Significant Other Syndrome that also cause problems at tabletop games. The above examples came primarily from the category where the S.O. actually ENJOYS and/or UNDERSTANDS the games they're playing. The next example comes in the form of when the S.O. is new to tabletop gaming and not really into it.

GM: All right, you guys are brought before the king and he addresses you regally.
Player 1: I bow before the king, showing my respect.
Player 2: I take out my sword and hold it hilt-first to him as a sign of my willingness to do his bidding.
S.O.: *yawn* *sigh* I stab him.
Players 1&2: What?!
S.O.: I'm bored!
GM: Oh! Uh...well, this happens to be a kingdom where slaying the ruler makes you the new ruler! He/she is instantly crowned the new ruler and everyone pays homage!
Players 1&2: WHAT!?!

And, of course, there's the final example where the S.O. doesn't game at all but makes a general nuisance of him/herself by distracting the GM during a session. Example:

GM: You guys are lost in the dungeon. It is dark and you can hear the sounds of approaching footsteps, possibly enemies.
Player 1: I ready myself for battle!
Player 2: I take out my shield to prepare for an unseen attack!
S.O.: Hey hunny, did I tell you what happened at work today?
GM: No, what happened?
S.O.: *talks the GM's ear off for a good hour or so, halting the game entirely*
Players 1&2: Uhh...

(This has nothing to do with my friend Pete's wife, by the way. Her stories are HILARIOUS.)

Now, don't get me wrong, there are many GMs that don't fall prey to this problem. But many do. And it's wrong. WRONG.

The moral of the story is: S.O.s are okay to play in games...as long as their counterpart isn't the GM.

The Actor on Acting

I was out with my friends, Mike and Nate, this evening, and we got into a discussion about movies. Me, being the movie buff that I am, felt right at home in this particular discussion. Nate, not being as informed about who's a good actor and whatnot, throws out a few suggestions of individuals he enjoys watching.

I, of course, rebut him vigorously and stick my nose up at some of his decisions. Mike goes on, in typical Mike fashion, to call me a stuck-up artsy type. We laugh and he explains that Nate is the same way about music and reacts in a similar fashion if certain artists/bands are mentioned.

But that's a good point, isn't it? I mean, Nate is a musician and I'm an actor, so it makes sense that we have a slightly better insight and pickier tastes in our chosen mediums, doesn't it?

For instance, I (and I'm uncertain if this applies to all actors or just me), personally, watch a film and try to get a feel for the actors' interpretations of their characters. I ask myself questions like "What motivation does this character have?" "What conflicts does he/she face?" "Why did the actor make that particular decision when portraying this character?" and so on.

Not being a musician (no matter what I may tell people heh), I wouldn't even begin to imagine what one would think to themselves while listening to a song or piece. The furthest and deepest my thoughts venture when listening to a song is really "Do I enjoy this?".

I guess that spills over into practical skills as well. My training in technical theater also translates into a critical eye as far as the more technical aspects of films (and theatrical productions if I ever get the chance to go out and see one). Is the lighting appropriately done here? Does the music/sound effects further or hinder this scene? Why does the damn camera shake so badly?

Going back to the original point, when I watch an actor that I believe to be of poor quality, I find my line of internal questioning to be reduced to the lowest denominator. Say, Keanu Reeves, for example. When I watch Mr. Reeves in most movies, I don't ask myself the above questions or questions in a similar vein. No...my questions usually get reduced to "How funny would it be if he said "dude" at the end of that line?" and "Why the hell am I watching another Keanu Reeves movie?". Why does this happen? Well, Mr. Reeves doesn't suck me in with his portrayal of a character, and then I don't start questioning the character's portrayal on a serious level.

It's rather sad, really.

FUCK YES! STILL ALIVE BABY!

...you monster.